Life at 100 mph.
As Chris and I drove away from Barahona, tears fell. After eight weeks of struggles, emotions, new friendships, teaching, organizing, meetings, tryouts, and on and on and on, I couldn't believe my time in the Dominican Republic had come to an end. As emotional as I had been from my first goodbye when Miles left, these emotions were different. It's hard to explain, but maybe the best word to describe it is shock or disbelief. Barahona had begun to feel like home. The people I worked with, my team, the kids, all started to feel like family. And now it was over. Done. Goodbye.
It's funny though, that I hadn't really started to feel any emotion until this very moment, as I stare at the screen on my laptop and write. Because I didn't want to feel it. As I drove to the airport in the capital, I told myself to stop being so emotional. I went numb. I made the tears stop. I made myself stop feeling.
So now, while living life at 100 mph, moving, starting a new job, catching up with friends and family, I haven't had time to think about Barahona. Or maybe I just didn't want to. But shutting down those feelings, makes me wonder if I've shut the door on God. What I've learned in these past two months can hardly be explained on a blog, in words. But I don't think that's why God allowed me to experience what I did. What does any of it matter if it doesn't make a difference now?
In Barahona, I was surrounded by God's presence. I had time to read my bible, to engage in deep theological discussion, to truly worship, talk to God. Here, I have hardly done any of those things. And so comes the feeling of disconnectedness. American culture is so wrapped around doing things for yourself, getting ahead, being successful, making a lot of money, having the best things, having expensive things, me, me, me... that it is so easy to lose focus on what is really important.
11:25 pm. I find myself staring at this screen trying to make sense of it all. But I don't want to feel it. The aftermath, the adjustment back to this American life, has been difficult and may continue to be that way. Until when, I'm not really sure. In the aftermath, I need Jesus...His peace, His wisdom, His strength, His security, His direction, His guidance, His grace, His love.
Monday, August 30, 2010
Thursday, August 19, 2010
The Meeting
I'm sitting in the office of the Country Director of COTN (Children of the Nations) the Father organization of I Love Baseball. I'm a little nervous, a little anxious and just a little overwhelmed as to what is about to happen. Changes for I Love Baseball. Discussion over my evaluation. The future of I Love Baseball is at stake...
Here we go...
Jesus, take the wheel.
Here we go...
Jesus, take the wheel.
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
A Roller Coaster of Emotions
I love roller coasters. I love the rush of adrenaline that runs through your body with the sudden twists and turns and the wind in your face; the anticipation as you slowly go up the mountain and then drop for what feels like forever. Then you get off, a little shaky, a little dizzy, trying to catch your breath. And that's when I think, "Woooooooo!! Let's do it again!" FUN!
But imagine all of those feelings without the roller coaster. Hard to imagine? Nope, not when you're talking about emotions. This summer has been nothing short of just that; a roller coaster of emotions.
I love that line from one of my favorite movies, A League of Their Own. "There's no crying in baseball! There's no crying in baseball!!!!" Well sorry to break it to you Tom Hanks, but this morning there were plenty of tears.
This morning three of my four closest friends from the summer left back to the states.
At Casa Betesda, the place I've been staying this summer, there were five of us. Desiree, Ingrid, Chris, Miles and me. I couldn't have asked for a better team of people. Two great girls to have my girl time with, borrow mousse and hairdryers, begging Chris to take us for some frozen yogurt, tagging along at the beach...you know, girl stuff :) Then there were my two ILB teammates. The boys. Those two crazy boys. At times like my brothers, other times my best friends. Together, we've had our ups and downs, the rush of adrenaline, the slow rising anticipated moments, and the sudden drops...all in the name of baseball.
Working with a non-profit organization in the DR has been nothing short of amazing, but at the same time has been nothing short of hard work. From organization to communication, planning and coordinating, some of what I thought were my strongest work skills, have been tried and tested during my time here. And really, I praise the Lord for that, because I know that the testing of those skills only makes them stronger. But I, or all three of us baseball lovers rather, have had our fair share of challenges.
Yesterday at baseball practice, Miles led our time of devotion and spoke on Romans 5:1-5.
"Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us."
Incredible words. Words needed for the summer we've had. Incredible words from an incredible guy. A passage that could sum up the summer. Miles has taught me so much about faith, perseverance, character and hope. So this morning when he, Desiree and Ingrid loaded their luggage onto the bus leaving for the capital, the tears began to fall. You see no matter how much hard work, frustration, or tests we've all faced, both together and individually, we knew that the work we are doing here is all for a reason far greater than what any of us could see now.
As I took the hands of Chris and Miles and we prayed for the last time as team ILB, the emotions hit us. Realizing that God had perfectly and purposefully chosen each of us to work for an organization whose goals go far beyond baseball, we thanked him and prayed for our futures.
As I waved goodbye to three of my closest friends of the summer, the rush of adrenaline hit me, feeling as though I was dropping from the top of a roller coaster. Tears, lots and lots of tears, fell this morning. I miss my friends. I miss their influence. I miss their energy. I miss their support. I just miss.
I know the roller coaster will come to a stop, as my time here is coming to an end. Just 12 more days. There is still much hard work to do in these final days. Now it's just Chris and I. But I already have a feeling...that when this roller coaster comes to a stop, and I get off...no matter how shaky, how dizzy or how hard it was to ride this roller coaster, I know I'm gonna say, "Wooooooooooo! Let's do it again!"
But imagine all of those feelings without the roller coaster. Hard to imagine? Nope, not when you're talking about emotions. This summer has been nothing short of just that; a roller coaster of emotions.
I love that line from one of my favorite movies, A League of Their Own. "There's no crying in baseball! There's no crying in baseball!!!!" Well sorry to break it to you Tom Hanks, but this morning there were plenty of tears.
This morning three of my four closest friends from the summer left back to the states.
At Casa Betesda, the place I've been staying this summer, there were five of us. Desiree, Ingrid, Chris, Miles and me. I couldn't have asked for a better team of people. Two great girls to have my girl time with, borrow mousse and hairdryers, begging Chris to take us for some frozen yogurt, tagging along at the beach...you know, girl stuff :) Then there were my two ILB teammates. The boys. Those two crazy boys. At times like my brothers, other times my best friends. Together, we've had our ups and downs, the rush of adrenaline, the slow rising anticipated moments, and the sudden drops...all in the name of baseball.
Working with a non-profit organization in the DR has been nothing short of amazing, but at the same time has been nothing short of hard work. From organization to communication, planning and coordinating, some of what I thought were my strongest work skills, have been tried and tested during my time here. And really, I praise the Lord for that, because I know that the testing of those skills only makes them stronger. But I, or all three of us baseball lovers rather, have had our fair share of challenges.
Yesterday at baseball practice, Miles led our time of devotion and spoke on Romans 5:1-5.
"Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us."
Incredible words. Words needed for the summer we've had. Incredible words from an incredible guy. A passage that could sum up the summer. Miles has taught me so much about faith, perseverance, character and hope. So this morning when he, Desiree and Ingrid loaded their luggage onto the bus leaving for the capital, the tears began to fall. You see no matter how much hard work, frustration, or tests we've all faced, both together and individually, we knew that the work we are doing here is all for a reason far greater than what any of us could see now.
As I took the hands of Chris and Miles and we prayed for the last time as team ILB, the emotions hit us. Realizing that God had perfectly and purposefully chosen each of us to work for an organization whose goals go far beyond baseball, we thanked him and prayed for our futures.
As I waved goodbye to three of my closest friends of the summer, the rush of adrenaline hit me, feeling as though I was dropping from the top of a roller coaster. Tears, lots and lots of tears, fell this morning. I miss my friends. I miss their influence. I miss their energy. I miss their support. I just miss.
I know the roller coaster will come to a stop, as my time here is coming to an end. Just 12 more days. There is still much hard work to do in these final days. Now it's just Chris and I. But I already have a feeling...that when this roller coaster comes to a stop, and I get off...no matter how shaky, how dizzy or how hard it was to ride this roller coaster, I know I'm gonna say, "Wooooooooooo! Let's do it again!"
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Seattle Rain...
Some days it seems like I brought the Seattle rain. Tropical storms have to be the most fun because it's still warm enough to be outside even though the rain is falling hard. It's kind of like taking a shower...outside...with your clothes on...
So here, practice is not going to be canceled if rain starts to pour...it's like a cool off :)
Who can resist such a cute kid saying the Lord's prayer? Adoption anyone?
Rain or shine, baseball.
Dulce :)
So here, practice is not going to be canceled if rain starts to pour...it's like a cool off :)
Who can resist such a cute kid saying the Lord's prayer? Adoption anyone?
Rain or shine, baseball.
Dulce :)
Player Introductions
After a few weeks of English classes, the kids finally built up enough courage to introduce themselves in front of a camera. Although they still struggle with pronunciations, I am so proud of their progress thus far! Here are a few of my students...
Monday, July 12, 2010
Oh the joys of being a Woman!
Have you ever walked into a room and suddenly ALL eyes are on you? You're thinking, "Do I have something on my face? Is my makeup smeared? Did I step in dog poop and stink? WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT!?!?!"
Well that's how I felt today. Except, it wasn't just a room, it was an entire market place! Kind of like a flea-market, but with way more people than you can imagine, all staring at the "rubia americana" passing through. I felt like an alien. If you know me pretty well, you know that one of my biggest insecurities is the color of my skin. Having to explain that you're of Mexican descent, but have light skin because you're from northern Mexico and have Spanish roots, is only fun telling the first couple times. By now I'd rather wear a sign around my neck or tattoo it on my forehead. On the flip side, however, I have to admit that I love knowing what people around me are saying and catch them totally off guard when I look at them and say..."cuidado con lo que dices por que entiendo todo." Priceless looks on their faces.
But regardless of how many times I have to say it, or smile at the comments I get, one thing always strikes me when I question why God made me the way he did. In all his power and all his glory and all his wonder, he made me with light skin, light eyes, and light hair for a reason. The Dominicans here that I've become very close to, whom are like a second family to me, absolutely love me the way I am. Something I've had to learn to do, love myself, be ok with me, look in the mirror and like what I see.
As we walked through the market, me and my new great friend Paola, we talked as if we had known each other for years. She would tell me what foods we were looking for, I would say hi to those who were selling (friends of hers, of course), and though they stared, Paola just said, "vamos Dulce, te miran porque eres bella." It's like she knew I was starting to feel uncomfortable that the people were staring. Yet, I felt comfortable with her.
When we finally got back to the casa, I headed back to the kitchen and wanted to get in on the cooking. I've been learning and loving it! Our cooks here are amazing and they have no problems letting me watch and ask questions. "Mira, mexicana, asi lo hacen en tu pais?"
"Casi igual." Not so much from scratch though, at least not in the states. I mean you're talkin' lemonade from straight lemons, sugar, and water. Tostones, fried plantains, from the tree to the bubbling oil. Legit! SO YUMMY!!!!
You won't believe this though, I've been washing by hand! Boo yaaaa, taking it WAY back! Washing my socks and underwear took me two hours, can't even lie about that. Yes, they do have a washer here, but not a dryer and I'm not about to have my chonies hanging on the line for all of Barahona to see! Are you kidding me!?!? So I took a bucket, some water from a big basin, and some detergent, headed up my bathroom and scrubbed away. Imaginate, aye Dios! Shout out to my abuelas for doing this everyday way back when! Remember when I said God was showing me things? He's showing me how to appreciate what I have, don't even worry! Ques que washing machines y water heaters, tas loca! Have I mentioned that I love cold showers? Well there ya go.
Oh, the joys of being a woman. Being stared at and talked about, then washing, cooking, cleaning, disciplining, teaching, working HARD yet being loved, appreciated and cared about. Call me old fashioned, but I love being a woman. So regardless of my skin color, I'm living every day here and will live every day back home, loving the way God made me.
"She is more precious than Rubies; nothing you desire can compare to her." -Proverbs 3:15
Dulce :)
P.S. The boys continue to learn as I continue to teach and discipline. There is desperate need of some re-structuring in this program, but I'm confident that again, God has everything under control. Please continue to pray as God is shaping the people of I Love Baseball.
Saludos y bendiciones desde la Republica Dominican!
Well that's how I felt today. Except, it wasn't just a room, it was an entire market place! Kind of like a flea-market, but with way more people than you can imagine, all staring at the "rubia americana" passing through. I felt like an alien. If you know me pretty well, you know that one of my biggest insecurities is the color of my skin. Having to explain that you're of Mexican descent, but have light skin because you're from northern Mexico and have Spanish roots, is only fun telling the first couple times. By now I'd rather wear a sign around my neck or tattoo it on my forehead. On the flip side, however, I have to admit that I love knowing what people around me are saying and catch them totally off guard when I look at them and say..."cuidado con lo que dices por que entiendo todo." Priceless looks on their faces.
But regardless of how many times I have to say it, or smile at the comments I get, one thing always strikes me when I question why God made me the way he did. In all his power and all his glory and all his wonder, he made me with light skin, light eyes, and light hair for a reason. The Dominicans here that I've become very close to, whom are like a second family to me, absolutely love me the way I am. Something I've had to learn to do, love myself, be ok with me, look in the mirror and like what I see.
As we walked through the market, me and my new great friend Paola, we talked as if we had known each other for years. She would tell me what foods we were looking for, I would say hi to those who were selling (friends of hers, of course), and though they stared, Paola just said, "vamos Dulce, te miran porque eres bella." It's like she knew I was starting to feel uncomfortable that the people were staring. Yet, I felt comfortable with her.
When we finally got back to the casa, I headed back to the kitchen and wanted to get in on the cooking. I've been learning and loving it! Our cooks here are amazing and they have no problems letting me watch and ask questions. "Mira, mexicana, asi lo hacen en tu pais?"
"Casi igual." Not so much from scratch though, at least not in the states. I mean you're talkin' lemonade from straight lemons, sugar, and water. Tostones, fried plantains, from the tree to the bubbling oil. Legit! SO YUMMY!!!!
You won't believe this though, I've been washing by hand! Boo yaaaa, taking it WAY back! Washing my socks and underwear took me two hours, can't even lie about that. Yes, they do have a washer here, but not a dryer and I'm not about to have my chonies hanging on the line for all of Barahona to see! Are you kidding me!?!? So I took a bucket, some water from a big basin, and some detergent, headed up my bathroom and scrubbed away. Imaginate, aye Dios! Shout out to my abuelas for doing this everyday way back when! Remember when I said God was showing me things? He's showing me how to appreciate what I have, don't even worry! Ques que washing machines y water heaters, tas loca! Have I mentioned that I love cold showers? Well there ya go.
Oh, the joys of being a woman. Being stared at and talked about, then washing, cooking, cleaning, disciplining, teaching, working HARD yet being loved, appreciated and cared about. Call me old fashioned, but I love being a woman. So regardless of my skin color, I'm living every day here and will live every day back home, loving the way God made me.
"She is more precious than Rubies; nothing you desire can compare to her." -Proverbs 3:15
Dulce :)
P.S. The boys continue to learn as I continue to teach and discipline. There is desperate need of some re-structuring in this program, but I'm confident that again, God has everything under control. Please continue to pray as God is shaping the people of I Love Baseball.
Saludos y bendiciones desde la Republica Dominican!
Saturday, July 3, 2010
Curve ball. Going down swinging.
What a week! A mix of emotions, plenty of sun, a plethora of mosquito bites, baseball and English classes has put my mind and body on overload. Don't get me wrong, I'm loving every minute of it, but did you ever imagine that things would be one way and they end being completely different?
The first day I got here I felt aweful. The heat was a little overbearing compared to the cool, rainy weather in Seattle. After such a long day of traveling, adjusting to the time difference, feeling as though I was living in a sauna, and getting my system used to Dominican foods, my body went into freak out mode. No bueno.
After a true sabbath day of rest, I felt better and ready to take on week 1. But my, oh my, did I have any idea of what the Lord had in store for me here.
I was so excited to see the boys! They didn't know I would be coming and they were so surprised! Thier smiles were brighter than the sun and they sounded ready to begin English classes.
Once we got started, they seemed eager to learn and their assessment exams went better than I had hoped. But after a few days, the teenage boys started acting up. I guess there is a part of teaching that I hadn't thought about; the discipline part. I think I've managed pretty well so far. I've set some rules and had to make a few kids give me some laps around the field. But I can see some respect developing on their part. They raise their hands instead of shouting out answers. They call me Senora Garza during class and Dulce outside of class. They pay attention when I'm speaking. Learning is happening.
The organization is in need of some serious prayer. My team has had daily meetings about what we can do to better the program, keep people accountable, and develop some structure, but this is an incredible curve ball I didn't see coming. I'm going down swinging, no doubt, but I know I can't do it alone.
I'm excited to keep working. I'm anxious to see change. I'm praying for strength and wisdom. I've said before that God is big and I believe it, wholeheartedly. But when I experience some big obstacles, have times when I realize that the world's problems are so much bigger than me, that's when my faith becomes real to me. That is when God's purpose starts to make sense to me. That is when God is God.
The first day I got here I felt aweful. The heat was a little overbearing compared to the cool, rainy weather in Seattle. After such a long day of traveling, adjusting to the time difference, feeling as though I was living in a sauna, and getting my system used to Dominican foods, my body went into freak out mode. No bueno.
After a true sabbath day of rest, I felt better and ready to take on week 1. But my, oh my, did I have any idea of what the Lord had in store for me here.
I was so excited to see the boys! They didn't know I would be coming and they were so surprised! Thier smiles were brighter than the sun and they sounded ready to begin English classes.
Once we got started, they seemed eager to learn and their assessment exams went better than I had hoped. But after a few days, the teenage boys started acting up. I guess there is a part of teaching that I hadn't thought about; the discipline part. I think I've managed pretty well so far. I've set some rules and had to make a few kids give me some laps around the field. But I can see some respect developing on their part. They raise their hands instead of shouting out answers. They call me Senora Garza during class and Dulce outside of class. They pay attention when I'm speaking. Learning is happening.
The organization is in need of some serious prayer. My team has had daily meetings about what we can do to better the program, keep people accountable, and develop some structure, but this is an incredible curve ball I didn't see coming. I'm going down swinging, no doubt, but I know I can't do it alone.
I'm excited to keep working. I'm anxious to see change. I'm praying for strength and wisdom. I've said before that God is big and I believe it, wholeheartedly. But when I experience some big obstacles, have times when I realize that the world's problems are so much bigger than me, that's when my faith becomes real to me. That is when God's purpose starts to make sense to me. That is when God is God.
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