Life at 100 mph.
As Chris and I drove away from Barahona, tears fell. After eight weeks of struggles, emotions, new friendships, teaching, organizing, meetings, tryouts, and on and on and on, I couldn't believe my time in the Dominican Republic had come to an end. As emotional as I had been from my first goodbye when Miles left, these emotions were different. It's hard to explain, but maybe the best word to describe it is shock or disbelief. Barahona had begun to feel like home. The people I worked with, my team, the kids, all started to feel like family. And now it was over. Done. Goodbye.
It's funny though, that I hadn't really started to feel any emotion until this very moment, as I stare at the screen on my laptop and write. Because I didn't want to feel it. As I drove to the airport in the capital, I told myself to stop being so emotional. I went numb. I made the tears stop. I made myself stop feeling.
So now, while living life at 100 mph, moving, starting a new job, catching up with friends and family, I haven't had time to think about Barahona. Or maybe I just didn't want to. But shutting down those feelings, makes me wonder if I've shut the door on God. What I've learned in these past two months can hardly be explained on a blog, in words. But I don't think that's why God allowed me to experience what I did. What does any of it matter if it doesn't make a difference now?
In Barahona, I was surrounded by God's presence. I had time to read my bible, to engage in deep theological discussion, to truly worship, talk to God. Here, I have hardly done any of those things. And so comes the feeling of disconnectedness. American culture is so wrapped around doing things for yourself, getting ahead, being successful, making a lot of money, having the best things, having expensive things, me, me, me... that it is so easy to lose focus on what is really important.
11:25 pm. I find myself staring at this screen trying to make sense of it all. But I don't want to feel it. The aftermath, the adjustment back to this American life, has been difficult and may continue to be that way. Until when, I'm not really sure. In the aftermath, I need Jesus...His peace, His wisdom, His strength, His security, His direction, His guidance, His grace, His love.
Monday, August 30, 2010
Thursday, August 19, 2010
The Meeting
I'm sitting in the office of the Country Director of COTN (Children of the Nations) the Father organization of I Love Baseball. I'm a little nervous, a little anxious and just a little overwhelmed as to what is about to happen. Changes for I Love Baseball. Discussion over my evaluation. The future of I Love Baseball is at stake...
Here we go...
Jesus, take the wheel.
Here we go...
Jesus, take the wheel.
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
A Roller Coaster of Emotions
I love roller coasters. I love the rush of adrenaline that runs through your body with the sudden twists and turns and the wind in your face; the anticipation as you slowly go up the mountain and then drop for what feels like forever. Then you get off, a little shaky, a little dizzy, trying to catch your breath. And that's when I think, "Woooooooo!! Let's do it again!" FUN!
But imagine all of those feelings without the roller coaster. Hard to imagine? Nope, not when you're talking about emotions. This summer has been nothing short of just that; a roller coaster of emotions.
I love that line from one of my favorite movies, A League of Their Own. "There's no crying in baseball! There's no crying in baseball!!!!" Well sorry to break it to you Tom Hanks, but this morning there were plenty of tears.
This morning three of my four closest friends from the summer left back to the states.
At Casa Betesda, the place I've been staying this summer, there were five of us. Desiree, Ingrid, Chris, Miles and me. I couldn't have asked for a better team of people. Two great girls to have my girl time with, borrow mousse and hairdryers, begging Chris to take us for some frozen yogurt, tagging along at the beach...you know, girl stuff :) Then there were my two ILB teammates. The boys. Those two crazy boys. At times like my brothers, other times my best friends. Together, we've had our ups and downs, the rush of adrenaline, the slow rising anticipated moments, and the sudden drops...all in the name of baseball.
Working with a non-profit organization in the DR has been nothing short of amazing, but at the same time has been nothing short of hard work. From organization to communication, planning and coordinating, some of what I thought were my strongest work skills, have been tried and tested during my time here. And really, I praise the Lord for that, because I know that the testing of those skills only makes them stronger. But I, or all three of us baseball lovers rather, have had our fair share of challenges.
Yesterday at baseball practice, Miles led our time of devotion and spoke on Romans 5:1-5.
"Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us."
Incredible words. Words needed for the summer we've had. Incredible words from an incredible guy. A passage that could sum up the summer. Miles has taught me so much about faith, perseverance, character and hope. So this morning when he, Desiree and Ingrid loaded their luggage onto the bus leaving for the capital, the tears began to fall. You see no matter how much hard work, frustration, or tests we've all faced, both together and individually, we knew that the work we are doing here is all for a reason far greater than what any of us could see now.
As I took the hands of Chris and Miles and we prayed for the last time as team ILB, the emotions hit us. Realizing that God had perfectly and purposefully chosen each of us to work for an organization whose goals go far beyond baseball, we thanked him and prayed for our futures.
As I waved goodbye to three of my closest friends of the summer, the rush of adrenaline hit me, feeling as though I was dropping from the top of a roller coaster. Tears, lots and lots of tears, fell this morning. I miss my friends. I miss their influence. I miss their energy. I miss their support. I just miss.
I know the roller coaster will come to a stop, as my time here is coming to an end. Just 12 more days. There is still much hard work to do in these final days. Now it's just Chris and I. But I already have a feeling...that when this roller coaster comes to a stop, and I get off...no matter how shaky, how dizzy or how hard it was to ride this roller coaster, I know I'm gonna say, "Wooooooooooo! Let's do it again!"
But imagine all of those feelings without the roller coaster. Hard to imagine? Nope, not when you're talking about emotions. This summer has been nothing short of just that; a roller coaster of emotions.
I love that line from one of my favorite movies, A League of Their Own. "There's no crying in baseball! There's no crying in baseball!!!!" Well sorry to break it to you Tom Hanks, but this morning there were plenty of tears.
This morning three of my four closest friends from the summer left back to the states.
At Casa Betesda, the place I've been staying this summer, there were five of us. Desiree, Ingrid, Chris, Miles and me. I couldn't have asked for a better team of people. Two great girls to have my girl time with, borrow mousse and hairdryers, begging Chris to take us for some frozen yogurt, tagging along at the beach...you know, girl stuff :) Then there were my two ILB teammates. The boys. Those two crazy boys. At times like my brothers, other times my best friends. Together, we've had our ups and downs, the rush of adrenaline, the slow rising anticipated moments, and the sudden drops...all in the name of baseball.
Working with a non-profit organization in the DR has been nothing short of amazing, but at the same time has been nothing short of hard work. From organization to communication, planning and coordinating, some of what I thought were my strongest work skills, have been tried and tested during my time here. And really, I praise the Lord for that, because I know that the testing of those skills only makes them stronger. But I, or all three of us baseball lovers rather, have had our fair share of challenges.
Yesterday at baseball practice, Miles led our time of devotion and spoke on Romans 5:1-5.
"Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us."
Incredible words. Words needed for the summer we've had. Incredible words from an incredible guy. A passage that could sum up the summer. Miles has taught me so much about faith, perseverance, character and hope. So this morning when he, Desiree and Ingrid loaded their luggage onto the bus leaving for the capital, the tears began to fall. You see no matter how much hard work, frustration, or tests we've all faced, both together and individually, we knew that the work we are doing here is all for a reason far greater than what any of us could see now.
As I took the hands of Chris and Miles and we prayed for the last time as team ILB, the emotions hit us. Realizing that God had perfectly and purposefully chosen each of us to work for an organization whose goals go far beyond baseball, we thanked him and prayed for our futures.
As I waved goodbye to three of my closest friends of the summer, the rush of adrenaline hit me, feeling as though I was dropping from the top of a roller coaster. Tears, lots and lots of tears, fell this morning. I miss my friends. I miss their influence. I miss their energy. I miss their support. I just miss.
I know the roller coaster will come to a stop, as my time here is coming to an end. Just 12 more days. There is still much hard work to do in these final days. Now it's just Chris and I. But I already have a feeling...that when this roller coaster comes to a stop, and I get off...no matter how shaky, how dizzy or how hard it was to ride this roller coaster, I know I'm gonna say, "Wooooooooooo! Let's do it again!"
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)