The Aftermath

Life at 100 mph.

As Chris and I drove away from Barahona, tears fell. After eight weeks of struggles, emotions, new friendships, teaching, organizing, meetings, tryouts, and on and on and on, I couldn't believe my time in the Dominican Republic had come to an end. As emotional as I had been from my first goodbye when Miles left, these emotions were different. It's hard to explain, but maybe the best word to describe it is shock or disbelief. Barahona had begun to feel like home. The people I worked with, my team, the kids, all started to feel like family. And now it was over. Done. Goodbye.

It's funny though, that I hadn't really started to feel any emotion until this very moment, as I stare at the screen on my laptop and write. Because I didn't want to feel it. As I drove to the airport in the capital, I told myself to stop being so emotional. I went numb. I made the tears stop. I made myself stop feeling.

So now, while living life at 100 mph, moving, starting a new job, catching up with friends and family, I haven't had time to think about Barahona. Or maybe I just didn't want to. But shutting down those feelings, makes me wonder if I've shut the door on God. What I've learned in these past two months can hardly be explained on a blog, in words. But I don't think that's why God allowed me to experience what I did. What does any of it matter if it doesn't make a difference now?

In Barahona, I was surrounded by God's presence. I had time to read my bible, to engage in deep theological discussion, to truly worship, talk to God. Here, I have hardly done any of those things. And so comes the feeling of disconnectedness. American culture is so wrapped around doing things for yourself, getting ahead, being successful, making a lot of money, having the best things, having expensive things, me, me, me... that it is so easy to lose focus on what is really important.

11:25 pm. I find myself staring at this screen trying to make sense of it all. But I don't want to feel it. The aftermath, the adjustment back to this American life, has been difficult and may continue to be that way. Until when, I'm not really sure. In the aftermath, I need Jesus...His peace, His wisdom, His strength, His security, His direction, His guidance, His grace, His love.